Just Breath

I just had to escape the grey…I could feel it building all week.  Perhaps its just this time of year, perhaps its my personal psychological state.   Hence, I’m writing this week’s blog from California.   Clearly I must have been an explorer in a former life, because as you know from my former blogs its one of my favorite things to do.   

Actually, my real goal is to head up the coast from Los Angeles to a place called Ventura where I'm spending the weekend.  I’m sure you’re thinking why Ventura?   No reason to be honest, I literally drew a circle of about an hours drive around LA and given that I wanted the beach - up came Ventura (San Buenaventura is the official name)

The bigger question is why am I fleeing to the west coast for the weekend?

California sun and palms!

I’ve been in a somewhat reflective mood this past week and I fear it’s more that just the February blues that have been toying dutifully with my emotions.   No, my blues are a combination of things, some almost inconsequential others not so much, but that coupled with cold, damp and frosty weather in Toronto is a sure blend for me to want to seek sunnier skies and warmer climes.   

This week we celebrated Valentines Day!   Hey, for the majority of the western world (yes, I know it’s a made up holiday to help retailers after Christmas recoup some cash – thats my story and I'm sticking to it!), but being single on Valentines Day feels like you out of sync with the rest of the world.   I realize most of this is in my head, but it’s a tough day all around and sort of sucks being single on Valentines day, whether you believe in it or not!   So clearly this was a contributing factor to my blahhhs.

Nothing like a little sand between
your toes...

Now, if you had of asked me a couple of weeks ago this wouldn’t have been an issue, but after dating someone for a short time, I’m back to square one on the whole dating thingy…and more confused than ever?   To become a monk or not to become a monk – that really is the question on my mind at the moment?    Perhaps I’m better suited to a life of solitude I find myself thinking? (Hence the monk comment)  Who could really love me given my legion of flaws?   Yeah, I could go on and on…   

I admit it’s a slippery slope, all this self-doubt and really what good does it do in the end.  Just paints you into a corner of negativity, which I don’t plan on doing.   

I guess the other big factor; no matter how much I think I’m over is the loss of my dad, Valentines Day marks the second anniversary of his passing.   Time helps lessen the feeling of loss, but never really takes it away completely.   Although I felt like I did as much as I could for my dad during his illness, and I left nothing unsaid, telling him exactly how I felt about him and his impact on my life but it feels like a void in my life – strangely one of the worst parts that I've felt this past week is that I no longer feel like I have a home base.  Sure I have siblings in Australia, but no parents and indeed home base anymore...

Lifesaving hut on the beach at
Ventura, CA

So my scathingly brilliant idea was to take a break from it all (yes, all of my over thinking about life) so I decided to get on a plane for the weekend and escape it all (as you know travel is my comfort zone).  I wanted to find somewhere that I'd never been before so I could explore without any predisposed plans.  

Initially I wanted to go to Phoenix, Arizona so I could hike around Sedona and Cathedral Rock, but I couldn’t get a last minute flight that worked…bugger!  I'll just save that for another day.

Time for Plan B - all I knew is that I wanted sunshine and a calming locale to take stock of the past few weeks and more than anything take a mental break.  So for those of you who know me will completely understand when my next choice was the beach!  The feeling of the sun and ocean on your skin, the sand between your toes is just too alluring to pass up.    

So my choices included California or Florida, but after a quick look at hotel prices in Florida and the sometimes “-iffy” weather, coupled with the crowds that flock to Florida at this time of year (thank you Snow-birds!) I decided on California was the destination of choice.   Simple really!   California also has lots of Eucalyptus which is a nice touch - just like home  :-)  

The morning started nicely, my taxi picked me up right on time and got me to the airport without too much trouble, I flew through US Customs (thanks NEXUS) and so decided that with plenty of time I could slip to the Air Canada lounge for a bowl of oatmeal on my way.  

Sunset over the Pacific Ocean
Ventura Beach, CA

As I was leaving the lounge and heading to my gate I ran into Jessica, an ex-colleague in the elevator (thanks for saying hi J :-).  She asked where I was off to this weekend and we quickly chatted about our respective destinations, she mentioned that she reads my blog regularly and knowing that tonight was blog night and was just a little curious if I was going to write about my trip to California this week….

So to Jessica and all my avid readers around the world I spent my afternoon sitting under the blue and sun filled sky at the beach in Ventura, taking a couple of hundred photos and generally trying not to think too much.  

My goal for the afternoon was to relax and just breathe.   I have to tell you sitting on the edge of the Pacific Ocean, watching the waves roll in; lapping at my toes occasionally was pretty special – and certainly invigorating!   (Man, that water is chilly!)

Who knows tomorrow I might even drive up the coast to Santa Barbara - its only 30 miles :-)

Here's to a great weekend in the sun!