Being a dad

I think being a dad is the best job in the entire world bar none!  Especially now that Zach and Sami who are about to turn 16 and 14 respectively and feel that they can come talk to me about pretty much anything.

This week I’ve done a lot of listening and asked a quite a few open ended questions, after each of them had come to me to talk about…stuff!   Its been mostly girl stuff with Zach and Sami all about life, school and the social aspect of being a teenager.

I’ve tried to stay objective and listen without any bias or intent, providing just my point of view as if I were in the situation and how I might think about it or react and for the first time in a long while there has been a real and open conversation, no holding back.

As I reflected on the enormous difference there is in the relationships I have with my kids versus the relationships, or lack there of I had with my parents. Its staggering as you'd expect.  Now to be completely fair they were operating in a very different era with a very different point of view on how to raise children, so its important to be completely objective.

Those were the days when the norm, at least where I was growing up was “kids should be seen and not heard”, with no if’s, and’s or but’s about it.  It was also the era, well at least in my household where you never once heard the words “I love you” escape from anyone’s lips.  God, heaven forbid!

And, now that I look back on it there was a distinct Victorian feel to the whole raising of children during the 1960’s and 1970’s, perhaps it was just rural Australia but I fear it was just the way that we were all raised back in those days.  It is a bit like trying to remember the old black and white movie that you once saw or were a part of all those years ago.  Was it real? Did that really happen the way I remember it?

Many of us still feel the sting of those days and vowed never to be like that with our kids and I know in my case I engaged early and often with my two so that they knew I was both present and involved with them and their lives, no matter what.  As they have matured and moved through the various ages and stages of life to now, there have been many times where I haven’t been the most popular guy (hell yes, I’m still strict! ☺) but they know that they can depend on me completely and that if I say I’m going to do something or be somewhere then I am.

I want to be a strong role model for them and demonstrate how to live a full and complete life.  This was shaken to the core when my marriage dissolved.

Sami in a soccer moment - she scored
four goals in her schools semi final game

For the longest time I felt a lot of guilt over separating from my ex, it pained me to leave and break my own personal promise to myself.  However I think that by demonstrating to the kids that you have to find your own path to happiness and sometimes that means moving in a different direction, no matter how painful it may be is a strong lesson in finding your own personal courage.  The decision to leave was a long, complicated and emotionally draining experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet I think that both my ex and I have been good role models and have continued to communicate openly, honestly and frequently as we continue to co-parent our kids.   This I think we do really well.

I think both Zach and Sami see that and still feel the love that we both have for them.  They have adapted well and seem to be thriving albeit for a few hiccups along the way, but for the most part have moved on and have accepted the change in family dynamics that comes with two households, but one common thread of family values.

Everything changed with my dad’s diagnosis and eventual death - it brought everything into perspective somehow.  I call it changing the soundtrack to my life...

It truly was an epiphany and although I felt I had been a good father to that point, I wasn’t totally present for Zach and Sami given my hectic corporate career, clearly that had to change…  My marriage had been on its last legs for sometime, neither of us had been present enough to try or perhaps interested enough to salvage it so that was destined to end, all this on top of my dad’s passing.  Nothing like wholesale change!

I guess the penny really dropped with his passing and I realized that life is indeed short (yes, I know its such a cliché but so true!) and how precious life really is.  It was now or never and although the prospect of starting all over again wasn’t the most appealing thing it was to be my destiny.

Fast forward a couple of years and with two loving households, where they can talk to us about anything and not feel judged I’d say that it’s worked out pretty well considering our starting point.  Deep down I think all four of us are in a better place, although there are times when I miss just the four of us having a family adventure that we all can talk about and more importantly laugh about.

I will always be their dad, and so proud and happy to be there for them no matter what.  As I said at the start this is the best job ever. ☺

Happy Halloween everyone!

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For the past 15 days I've been adding a photo to my Facebook and Google + pages each day in celebrating the starting of my new business - you can check them out below (click on the links).  These are some of my favorite photos that I've taken over the past couple of years:

Facebook  

Google+ 

Below are a selection of photos from a photo shoot I had earlier in the week - enjoy!

Tattered subway sign in downtown Toronto

Grandeur of the CIBC North building - it's a bank...so ceilings eh?

Its a stunning building - no question!

Loved the ongoing reflections in the windows 

These door handles have been in constant use since 1930...no wonder
they're well worn!

Banking towers in downtown Toronto

The angle makes all the difference - reaching for the sky

Brass sculpture at BCE Place in downtown Toronto

It's hard to tell if this is fire or water...

Light on the exoskeleton that is BCE Place in the heart of the Financial District in Toronto

Morning handrail - loved the light on the stainless steel 

Early 20th century architecture at its best in downtown Toronto

Business sculpture - Bloor Street East, Toronto

Cool mural on the Pleasant Street underpass at Bloor - so typically Canadian!

Distorted images reflected - Sherbourne and Bloor East

Homelessness continues to be an urban blight - perhaps our
new Mayor can help alleviate this issue 

Rusted steel on the suicide net over the Bloor street bridge 

The subway bridge on its way East toward the Castle Frank subway station
in the Fall

Mambo tiles

A legendary locale for music in Toronto - close to home!

A Fortunate Life...

A number of years ago I read a book called “A Fortunate Life” by A.B. Facey and which is considered an Australian literary classic, selling over a million copies.  I guess the fact that A.B. didn't learn to read and write until after his return from the Great War at the ripe old age of 20 years has a lot to do with it, but for me as I read his uncomplicated and straightforward tome it was more than that.  It was his underlying acceptance of his lot in life, he didn't complain about his life’s hardships or his struggles but rather how lucky he was to have lived such a wonderfully rich and amazing life.  

The book itself was published shortly before his death in 1982 and was written at the urgings of his kids, with the entire manuscript being written in longhand…okay, that in it is a feat unto itself.  Clearly, it was the culmination of many years of work; of first remembering the stories but then to weave them into a single story must have been both painstaking but also to a large degree very enjoyable.

His frame of mind is what intrigued me the most, and if you get a chance it’s an entertaining read to be sure. 

I can hear you all saying “okay, so what?” 

Actually, remembering the book was triggered by a conversation I had over lunch earlier this week with one of my ex-players who I coached back in the early 1990’s for Australian Rules football here in Canada. 

In those days Craig was a university student who took to football like a duck to water, him and his mate Warren both loved Aussie Rules and were very keen to learn the game and be the best they could be.  Both excelled at the game, but as the conversation continued I realized that it was much more than just a game they learned during those years.

Today, Craig is a very successful executive with one of Canada’s largest telecommunications companies with a career clearly on the rise, and Warren is a high-powered public prosecutor for the Provincial Government.

As Craig and I sat and talked over lunch, we reminisced over those years and the enjoyment that we all got from being part of the team.  We had the right mix of people and chemistry to develop a strong and unique culture that has bonded us for more than 20 years, and is still strong to this day.

As we talked it seemed as though each of us has taken away a consistent set of life lessons that has shaped our values and lives to this day.  For me it boiled down to these five things during our conversation:

Commitment to the team and to each other and to do whatever it takes to be successful, to give 100% and do my absolute best no matter what.  Always play fair but hard.

Self-belief in that you can do anything if you absolutely believe in it, and go “all-in” to make it happen.  The only person you have to convince is yourself, ultimately you have to believe.

Attitude is central in the way you live your life.  For me this so important, and one of the things I constantly reinforce with Zach and Sami – “each day, YOU get to choose and decide on how you want your day to be.  No one else dictates that - you decide!”

Passion is the difference maker when it comes living your life. If you're on a team look into your teammates eyes, can you see the burning desire to do whatever it takes to be successful?  Life is too short not to surround yourself with like-minded people.

Courage to lead, the courage to be first and put yourself on the line, the courage to be authentic and real, the courage to chart your own path, often in the path of adversity or against the tide of popular thinking.

It was uncanny because as we talked (the Pizza was amazing btw – Pizza Libretto on the Danforth for those interested in the best pizza in the city!), we shared these similar themes through our life’s stories.  Not surprisingly as I look around each of my old teammates these commonalities are clearly there, with each one of them taking these life lessons and applying it as a foundation for the amazingly rich and rewarding lives they now all lead. 

Who would have thought that a recreational football team would have had such a strong influence and impact on the lives of those that played on that team.  I’m not sure if any of you have seen the HBO series “Band of Brothers”, but to me the stories lines are aligned in terms of the lifelong bond that was created during our time together.

If you choose to read A.B. Facey’s story you'll see what I mean, because although he may not have said it in so many words; these same common values and threads that Craig and I talked about are also woven into his story.

It’s an interesting juxtaposition of time and space but a commonality that begs the question of refining your own values and beliefs to live “a fortunate life”.  Now that could be a great self-reflection point if you're up for the challenge.  J

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The photos come from three different photoshoots I had this week.   Enjoy!

Maple leaf floating on the lake - loved the
swirls of color in the water

They feel as though they are floating in space...

Stunning colors and interesting composition

Sunlight dancing on the lake, it reminded me of a series of star constellations 

Deep, rich colors that made up the contrasts between the sunlight
on the surface and the reflection below

The shallows had reflections like a Mother of Pearl,
so beautiful

What gives?  The Canada geese seem to be heading North instead of South?

Bicycle reflection

Before dawn at Red Rocket Coffee Shop on the Danforth - my local coffee shop!

My neighbourhood has an eclectic feel to it - what can I say?

Now, I did say eclectic...right?!

Hand painted billboards on the side of a pub on the Danforth - old school!

Yep, my neighbourhood is also known as "Greektown"

Subway exit sign in monochrome 

The circular stairs at Bay and Bloor

TW self portrait in the Royal Ontario Museum windows

Loved the contrast of colors at the ROM

Checkerboard condo reflections 

Color contrasts on Bloor street at Avenue Road 

Tim Hortons - a Canadian institution!

Lighting through the windows of a cafe 

The "knifes edge" at a condo tower in downtown Toronto

Bike share on Bay Street

Fran's restaurant on College has been an institution since the 1940's

The statue at Police HQ's through a mesh fence

Burning off

As I sit and listen to the storm outside and thunderous rain on the roof it brings back distant memories of my childhood.  As a kid growing up in rural Australia the summers were hot, and I mean HOT!   

We got our weather from the far away Indian Ocean, with hot weather fronts moving in off the ocean, the wind would begin to gather speed as it made landfall in lower Western Australia, amassing additional heat and further wind speed as it leapt over the Great Australian Bight before careening into South Australia, after that it was just a matter of time before we copped it in Victoria.

Weather map for this past Jan 14, 2014...told you it could get hot

We'd have weeks in the high 30’s and up to mid 40’s Celsius (90 – 110 Fahrenheit) each summer, although for the most part it would build up and up until we had an almighty storm which was accompanied by a “cool change”, then the cycle would start all over again.

As I reflect back on my childhood summers they all had a familiar pattern to them.  We'd have a day or two of clear, blue skies, each day the wind would get a little stronger, the sky a little more grey, but always baking hot – you could fry an egg on the road it was so hot.  Then there would be a day when the wind would turn and come at us from the north and it would begin to howl, it felt like a blast furnace.  

You could always tell when the wind blew hard from the north we were in for a major storm. These hot and gusting north winds also generally brought with it another more terrifying prospect…bush fires.

With a strong north wind the entire state of Victoria would go on high alert for bushfires  These Total Fire Ban days made it illegal to have any sort of fire, including BBQ’s (this part was a killer for as you know all Aussies love BBQ’s!) outside.  It was just too dangerous, especially in the heights of summer when the grass and bush was tinder dry and any errant spark could set off a major catastrophe.

We lived on an acre block at the eastern edge of town, it was a small rural community of about 500 people and surrounded by plains and bush depending on which direction you went from town. Our house was surrounded on three sides by vacant blocks of land, with the closest house being about 100 meters from ours.  Over the course of the year this land would grow thick long native grasses and by the time summer rolled around it would be at least three feet high, sometimes higher.

Dad lived in Clunes during the last major bush fire that hit the town, known as Black Friday (January 14, 1944). That day 51 people died and over a million hectares of land destroyed as fires devastated the entire state of Victoria. In those days he, his mother and siblings lived in a rented house on Camp Hill in the southwest part of town on the south side of the creek, after his dad had recently died.  The Black Friday bushfires burnt much of the town north of the creek including the hospital, which was completely destroyed.   I guess dad’s memories were still very strong because as the summer started he would get a little antsy, constantly eyeing the weather and planning his fire protection plan if, and/or when he needed it.

Dad’s plan was simple really but extremely dangerous...some might say even foolhardy but they were far different times than what we're in today.  

Early in the summer he'd approach the local Shire council and harangue them about the state of the town and the long grass, and how dangerous it would be if something wasn't done about it.  

Bushfires are commonplace in Australia, surprisingly Victoria is the most impacted state...crazy huh?

Then he'd leave it a few weeks as the grass continued to dry then he'd choose a night when the wind wasn't too strong, often in late December or early January and make a Molotov cocktail of kerosene in a bottle with a rag as its wick.  Then he’d light it and walk out into the long grass of the surrounding blocks until the fire took hold (often only a couple of minutes) and race back to our block as it went up behind him.  

The issue wasn't that dad felt compelled to burn all of the blocks around ours as a fire break in case a major bushfire headed toward the town, but that he failed to tell a soul about his plan. Nope – not mum, us kids or even the neighbours…

As the smoke started to rise from the blazing grass the next thing you'd hear was the town’s mournful fire siren wailing (actually it was a WWII army surplus air raid siren), remember it was only 20 years since the end of WWII. In preparation Dad would have soaked some old bags in water so us kids could use if the fires started to get too close or if flying ash landed on our lawn.  Our job was to stamp out any ash or hot spots with the wet bags, but you had to be quick!  The flames were very hot and smoke extremely thick so it was a crappy job but it was all hands on deck no questions asked.

It was a sight to behold really, a huge roaring inferno a mere meters from our house, the town's fire siren wailing and mum screaming at dad for being such a bloody idiot.  Dad of course was totally oblivious to the melee that was taking place around him as he darted along the fence line with the garden hose in hand as the huge flames approached, he would yell to one of us and direct us to any new hot spots in the yard that he noticed.

Within minutes the town's volunteer fire brigade would arrive with the siren blaring, and fortunately for us stop the fire from jumping the road or burning our neighbours houses.

Ah yes, fun and games at the Wallis household...and you thought Blog night was exciting!   

Afterwards, Dad was always unapologetic, even to the local fire chief who’d pull him aside year after year and warn him that he wasn't allowed to burn off the vacant land around our house; these “discussions” were often pretty heated (no pun intended), but Dad’s classic come back was always “I warned the Shire about the dangers of long grass around the town weeks ago, but as usual nothings been done to fix the issue, I'm not sure how it started, but I hold them fully responsible for the near tragedy…".  Yes, he often put it on a little thick to make his point.

Now some might think that he was a crackpot, or at best a pyromaniac…and to be fair there is a grain of truth to both but you could see the ruins of the hospital lost in 1944 just a couple of hundred meters further up the hill from our yard, perhaps that why dad was so insistent upon his annual ritual of “burning off” as he put it.

What can I say except that he was both unconventional and uncompromising, but a man who I admired greatly. Fortunately for my neighbours in Toronto there are no vacant blocks of grassland close by...  ☺


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This weeks photos come from my shoot last weekend at Niagara Falls. Its been a while since I've been and as usual I was blown away by the breathtaking power and beauty of the Falls.   

Enjoy!

Looking upriver from the Falls - looks like any other river

Reflections on the edge of the minor falls 

The raw power of the water gushing over the Falls combined with the roar of the 
water make this a spectacular site to behold.

The statistics are astounding - 570,000 litres (150,000 gallons) of 
water per second falling 54 meters (178 feet) to the river basin below

Stunning photo with the sun and the mist cloud

Creating its own clouds from the mist

The aptly named "Maid of the Mist" heading toward the Falls for a birds eye view

The US side of the Falls - Canada sure got the better deal for viewing

The Maid of the Mist on her homeward journey down the river - can you say slingshot
given the strong current?

One of the many old iron bridges between Canada and the US 
close to the Falls 

The colors of Fall are spectacular this time of year!

Afternoon sun through the leaves

Hydro electric power generation plant further down river from the Falls

A single wisp of cloud in the afternoon

The Niagara river as it flows toward Lake Ontrario

Loved the china dog, especially his diamond necklace!

Bright colors of the shrubs in Niagara-on-the-Lake 

Spider web in the late afternoon sun