I think being a dad is the best job in the entire world bar none! Especially now that Zach and Sami who are about to turn 16 and 14 respectively and feel that they can come talk to me about pretty much anything.
This week I’ve done a lot of listening and asked a quite a few open ended questions, after each of them had come to me to talk about…stuff! Its been mostly girl stuff with Zach and Sami all about life, school and the social aspect of being a teenager.
I’ve tried to stay objective and listen without any bias or intent, providing just my point of view as if I were in the situation and how I might think about it or react and for the first time in a long while there has been a real and open conversation, no holding back.
As I reflected on the enormous difference there is in the relationships I have with my kids versus the relationships, or lack there of I had with my parents. Its staggering as you'd expect. Now to be completely fair they were operating in a very different era with a very different point of view on how to raise children, so its important to be completely objective.
Those were the days when the norm, at least where I was growing up was “kids should be seen and not heard”, with no if’s, and’s or but’s about it. It was also the era, well at least in my household where you never once heard the words “I love you” escape from anyone’s lips. God, heaven forbid!
And, now that I look back on it there was a distinct Victorian feel to the whole raising of children during the 1960’s and 1970’s, perhaps it was just rural Australia but I fear it was just the way that we were all raised back in those days. It is a bit like trying to remember the old black and white movie that you once saw or were a part of all those years ago. Was it real? Did that really happen the way I remember it?
Many of us still feel the sting of those days and vowed never to be like that with our kids and I know in my case I engaged early and often with my two so that they knew I was both present and involved with them and their lives, no matter what. As they have matured and moved through the various ages and stages of life to now, there have been many times where I haven’t been the most popular guy (hell yes, I’m still strict! ☺) but they know that they can depend on me completely and that if I say I’m going to do something or be somewhere then I am.
I want to be a strong role model for them and demonstrate how to live a full and complete life. This was shaken to the core when my marriage dissolved.
For the longest time I felt a lot of guilt over separating from my ex, it pained me to leave and break my own personal promise to myself. However I think that by demonstrating to the kids that you have to find your own path to happiness and sometimes that means moving in a different direction, no matter how painful it may be is a strong lesson in finding your own personal courage. The decision to leave was a long, complicated and emotionally draining experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet I think that both my ex and I have been good role models and have continued to communicate openly, honestly and frequently as we continue to co-parent our kids. This I think we do really well.
I think both Zach and Sami see that and still feel the love that we both have for them. They have adapted well and seem to be thriving albeit for a few hiccups along the way, but for the most part have moved on and have accepted the change in family dynamics that comes with two households, but one common thread of family values.
Everything changed with my dad’s diagnosis and eventual death - it brought everything into perspective somehow. I call it changing the soundtrack to my life...
It truly was an epiphany and although I felt I had been a good father to that point, I wasn’t totally present for Zach and Sami given my hectic corporate career, clearly that had to change… My marriage had been on its last legs for sometime, neither of us had been present enough to try or perhaps interested enough to salvage it so that was destined to end, all this on top of my dad’s passing. Nothing like wholesale change!
I guess the penny really dropped with his passing and I realized that life is indeed short (yes, I know its such a cliché but so true!) and how precious life really is. It was now or never and although the prospect of starting all over again wasn’t the most appealing thing it was to be my destiny.
Fast forward a couple of years and with two loving households, where they can talk to us about anything and not feel judged I’d say that it’s worked out pretty well considering our starting point. Deep down I think all four of us are in a better place, although there are times when I miss just the four of us having a family adventure that we all can talk about and more importantly laugh about.
I will always be their dad, and so proud and happy to be there for them no matter what. As I said at the start this is the best job ever. ☺
Happy Halloween everyone!
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For the past 15 days I've been adding a photo to my Facebook and Google + pages each day in celebrating the starting of my new business - you can check them out below (click on the links). These are some of my favorite photos that I've taken over the past couple of years:
Facebook
Google+
Below are a selection of photos from a photo shoot I had earlier in the week - enjoy!
This week I’ve done a lot of listening and asked a quite a few open ended questions, after each of them had come to me to talk about…stuff! Its been mostly girl stuff with Zach and Sami all about life, school and the social aspect of being a teenager.
As I reflected on the enormous difference there is in the relationships I have with my kids versus the relationships, or lack there of I had with my parents. Its staggering as you'd expect. Now to be completely fair they were operating in a very different era with a very different point of view on how to raise children, so its important to be completely objective.
Those were the days when the norm, at least where I was growing up was “kids should be seen and not heard”, with no if’s, and’s or but’s about it. It was also the era, well at least in my household where you never once heard the words “I love you” escape from anyone’s lips. God, heaven forbid!
And, now that I look back on it there was a distinct Victorian feel to the whole raising of children during the 1960’s and 1970’s, perhaps it was just rural Australia but I fear it was just the way that we were all raised back in those days. It is a bit like trying to remember the old black and white movie that you once saw or were a part of all those years ago. Was it real? Did that really happen the way I remember it?
Many of us still feel the sting of those days and vowed never to be like that with our kids and I know in my case I engaged early and often with my two so that they knew I was both present and involved with them and their lives, no matter what. As they have matured and moved through the various ages and stages of life to now, there have been many times where I haven’t been the most popular guy (hell yes, I’m still strict! ☺) but they know that they can depend on me completely and that if I say I’m going to do something or be somewhere then I am.
I want to be a strong role model for them and demonstrate how to live a full and complete life. This was shaken to the core when my marriage dissolved.
 |
| Sami in a soccer moment - she scored four goals in her schools semi final game |
I think both Zach and Sami see that and still feel the love that we both have for them. They have adapted well and seem to be thriving albeit for a few hiccups along the way, but for the most part have moved on and have accepted the change in family dynamics that comes with two households, but one common thread of family values.
Everything changed with my dad’s diagnosis and eventual death - it brought everything into perspective somehow. I call it changing the soundtrack to my life...
It truly was an epiphany and although I felt I had been a good father to that point, I wasn’t totally present for Zach and Sami given my hectic corporate career, clearly that had to change… My marriage had been on its last legs for sometime, neither of us had been present enough to try or perhaps interested enough to salvage it so that was destined to end, all this on top of my dad’s passing. Nothing like wholesale change!
I guess the penny really dropped with his passing and I realized that life is indeed short (yes, I know its such a cliché but so true!) and how precious life really is. It was now or never and although the prospect of starting all over again wasn’t the most appealing thing it was to be my destiny.
Fast forward a couple of years and with two loving households, where they can talk to us about anything and not feel judged I’d say that it’s worked out pretty well considering our starting point. Deep down I think all four of us are in a better place, although there are times when I miss just the four of us having a family adventure that we all can talk about and more importantly laugh about.
I will always be their dad, and so proud and happy to be there for them no matter what. As I said at the start this is the best job ever. ☺
Happy Halloween everyone!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the past 15 days I've been adding a photo to my Facebook and Google + pages each day in celebrating the starting of my new business - you can check them out below (click on the links). These are some of my favorite photos that I've taken over the past couple of years:
Google+
Below are a selection of photos from a photo shoot I had earlier in the week - enjoy!
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| Tattered subway sign in downtown Toronto |
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| Grandeur of the CIBC North building - it's a bank...so ceilings eh? |
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| Its a stunning building - no question! |
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| Loved the ongoing reflections in the windows |
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| These door handles have been in constant use since 1930...no wonder they're well worn! |
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| Banking towers in downtown Toronto |
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| The angle makes all the difference - reaching for the sky |
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| Brass sculpture at BCE Place in downtown Toronto |
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| It's hard to tell if this is fire or water... |
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| Light on the exoskeleton that is BCE Place in the heart of the Financial District in Toronto |
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| Morning handrail - loved the light on the stainless steel |
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| Early 20th century architecture at its best in downtown Toronto |
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| Business sculpture - Bloor Street East, Toronto |
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| Cool mural on the Pleasant Street underpass at Bloor - so typically Canadian! |
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| Distorted images reflected - Sherbourne and Bloor East |
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| Homelessness continues to be an urban blight - perhaps our new Mayor can help alleviate this issue |
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| Rusted steel on the suicide net over the Bloor street bridge |
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| The subway bridge on its way East toward the Castle Frank subway station in the Fall |
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| Mambo tiles |
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| A legendary locale for music in Toronto - close to home! |
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