The essence of time

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I wanted to share with you an article I recently published on LinkedIn (apologies to those of you that have already read this), but was very well received and thought it would be good to share with a broad global audience.  

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We all believe we have time on our hands but this past week, a good friend of mine lost his father, and unfortunately for many of us it’s becoming an all too common occurrence as we enter this next phase of our lives. With so much pressure placed on us, it’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day and not have the opportunities to connect and spend time with those whom we genuinely love.

It’s the wake-up call that often comes too late.

What will be your moment?   When will you take that proverbial step back and ask yourself, “What’s most important to me?”

Trust me you'll have it, just as I did during my father’s illness. Fortunately for me, I had the grace of spending six months rebuilding my relationship with him but it also gave me something much more. It gave me time to step back emotionally and ask the tough questions - the ones that needed to be answered from within.

I began re-evaluating everything in my life – the lack of work-life balance, my relationship with my two kids, the emptiness I felt with my job and constantly being on the road, my disconnected marriage and the lack of connection I felt, even to my own life. It felt as though I had lost control, with who I was and what was most important to me. I was just going through the motions and it sucked!

Re-evaluating your life is one thing, but it’s quite another to actually do something about it. This wake-up call enabled me to re-prioritize all the things in my life that were important.

So what did I do?  Great question and glad you asked!

I realized that I knew so little about my parents (my mum died when I was 27) and only got a small snippet of stories and understanding before my dad passed away. I then began to worry that if anything happened to me while working away on business, my kids wouldn't know anything about my life. So I began documenting my own life stories for my kids so that they would be able to learn about the life I've led. J 

I decided to publish my stories in blog format so that my kids would always have access to them, and maybe even for their kids to share. This weekly blog has taken on a life of its own with over 125,000 people having read it from all over the world, but certainly not my objective when I started documenting my stories back in 2011.

Next I decided that I had to take action about my work. My career as a management consultant working away from home for seven straight years had to change. I needed to be “present” and not the absent, guilt-ridden excuse for a parent I’d become. I was unable to come to a compromise with my existing company so I left and embarked on an independent journey to ensure I have “flexibility” with my eclectic working life, following my passions and spend more time doing the things that I want to do now rather than wait for the notion of “retirement”.  Not that I believe our generation or subsequent ones will have the luxury of retiring, so the question to myself was “what am I waiting for?”   I’m pursuing all the things I want to do while I’m young enough and healthy enough to fully enjoy them. 

My marriage ended but over time, a new relationship has been forged with my ex with the ultimate outcome of having two well-adjusted, happy and independent teens who are both honours students and excellent athletes.  

I realize my road isn't for everyone, nor should it be, but I what I'm proposing is to try these three simple things that helped me enormously:

1.     Be present. It’s time to turn off your mobile phone and not respond to email during your downtime. Be in the moment, particularly with those that you care about most. Define, set and communicate your new boundaries, ones that are practical and that you can keep.

2.     Reflect. Self-reflection is a great exercise and one that can be incorporated into your weekly routine. It can be as simple as taking a walk and investing in personal time to think and reflect about you, your life and what’s most important to you is priceless. Whatever you choose, make it a part of your schedule and place it in your calendar...then stick to it!  Don't cancel your appointment with yourself.

3.     Prioritize. Understand and acknowledge who and what are most important in your life! Demonstrate that they are a priority and put these things first. Talk is cheap - change only begins when you put action behind those words.

Time is not on our side…so what’s your plan?

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“Hanoi Posting”

A series of micro-stories by Terence Wallis

Episode 4: Promises

John had initially resisted his sisters request to hire Lea right out to University, nothing good comes from hiring family he’d thought at the time, but felt obligated to his big sister and so acquiesced.  She had always been there for him during his childhood, but as always, he felt a deep sense of guilt that was omnipresent and pervasive in their relationship.

Now he was kicking himself because he knew that Lea was in love with Bill, even if she didn’t know it yet he could see it clearly.  He felt conflicted with the situation, but yet again stuck in the middle of it.  Too many times of late he'd felt like the meat in the sandwich and vowed to keep out of family politics from now on...

As John reflected on Bills request he knew that if you wanted to make a name for yourself in the newspaper game you had to take risks, and to be honest John admired Bill for his ballsiness in demanding the post in Hanoi, he would have done exactly the same when he was younger.  Yes, there was something to be admired in Bill - no question!

But where was that going to leave him with Lea and his sister Glenda he now thought…god only knows.  

A deep sense of foreboding hung over him as he considered his options with Bill...

Next week:  Episode 5:  The Look

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This weeks photos are from a photo shoot this past weekend taken downtown - enjoy!

Pan Am Games logo at Nathan Phillips Square - downtown Toronto

Rusted metal above the doors at Union Station

Rushing movement in the roof of Union station

The deeply rusted iron beam - Union Station

"Reflection" at Harbourfront

Stunning CN tower

Vertical reflections on water

Horizontal reflections on water

Sun reflected on the steel hull of a ship

Apporaching thunderheads - very Ansel Adams!

Lines of the subway station