One Generation

This week I was thinking about connectedness, especially within a family.   Strange topic I admit but recently I’ve been researching grandfather Conolly and it got me thinking about how easily families are split and seemingly go their separate ways.

To be honest I’ve been feeling a little like that particularly with both mum and dad being gone, and seemingly no uniting factor for us to be together.  I realize it’s the circle of life but with me living in Canada I feel even more isolated from my siblings than ever before.   Perhaps it’s also a symptom of once again being on my own, although arguably having Zach & Sami each week takes much of that away it’s not quite the same as having a family day-to-day.

My sister Glenda's wedding - 1969
Back row: Gary, Glenda, Mum, Laurie
Front: James & TW

Mum was quite removed from her family as they were spread from Mackay in North Queensland , to Sydney and even further south to Melbourne which is “as the crow flies” over 2000 km from Clunes where I grew up.   I’m pretty sure I met mum’s siblings - Dorothy, Bob, Graeme, Marjorie & Nora at some point during my life, but only have memories of Auntie Nora and Uncle Frank as a young boy who lived in Melbourne.   

Mum used to talk mostly about her dad (grandfather Conolly) and occasionally about her two brothers who she idolized, but not a lot about the others.   We didn’t have the means to go visit so they just grew apart…

And I suppose its rather easy to get caught up in the romanticized version of a story that your mum told you about your grandfather who you never met (he died the year before I was born), and although he sounds like a cool guy who had an eye for adventure he’ll always have a larger than life persona in my mind and never be just an “average guy”.   Story telling at its finest I suppose – thanks mum. 

Dad on the other hand didn’t have a whole lot of time for his family, I’m not sure if it was because mum didn’t get along with them or that honestly he didn’t particularly care for them.   I always felt there was a level of animosity and hostility between dad and his siblings whenever they visited which was thankfully somewhat rare.   

TW's 21st birthday - April 1980
L-R:  Laurie, James, Gary, Glenda & TW

It was one of those households where the everyday was a bit of a screaming match generally about something but nothing in particular if you know what I mean, but significantly heightened whenever dad’s siblings came visiting.   Mum always felt that they wanted something from dad and she let dad know, in no uncertain terms how she felt about them and their motives.  Yeah quite the family really…

A ringing endorsement of family values I suppose although for the most part me and my siblings get along quite well, it’s just the sheer distance that really separates us and hinders the ongoing contact.  Yes, I’m guilty of not connecting with them just as much as they are with me, so I take responsibility for my lack of action on that part.   Of course I could make all sorts of excuses about time zones, busy work schedules, travel, juggling kids schedules…arguably they all play a part albeit minor. 

I also now realize that there is a high likelihood that Zach and Sami will not know their 15 first cousins in Australia.  Sure they might know names, but without any real relationship it’s going to be hard to really get to know my side of the family back home.

Just like I have no real insights into my mum or dad’s siblings, they’ll likely be the same – just a name and a couple of stories but that’s about it.   Its sort of sad to imagine that I’ve essentially become the “Canadian” side of the family now, and that when Zach and Sami start having a family there will be little to no connection to Australia remaining…

Very sad indeed!

So my remedy is to both write and tell stories about my family, some of which you've already read in my blogs but also in the conversations I've had with the Zach and Sami about their family back in Australia.

Feb 2011 - TW, Glenda, James & Laurie
(Unfortunately Gary was unable to be there)

When my dad was in a coma and literally hours away from dying my siblings and I were gathered in his hospital room awaiting the inevitable (horrible experience and not recommended for anyone!)    Anyway after being in the room for close to 48 hours (not quite non-stop but certainly close) we were all getting a little punchy with the lack of sleep and the enormity of the situation at hand.

I asked my siblings what was the best story they had about dad and before long we were excitedly retelling one story after the other and although dad was a very private person we had enough stories about him to last for two to three hours easily.   

Clearly not very proper when you're in the "dying room" as they called it, but it was a wonderful connection and celebration of his life that we shared with each other.  I can't tell you the last time I laughed so hard nor felt closer to my siblings...it was such a contrast of emotions - sad and wonderful all at the same time.

I've shared many of those stories with Zach and Sami, and although they may not appreciate them today hopefully as they get older they will.   I also hoping that they feel some level of connectedness to Australia and my crazy family that inhabit its shores through my storytelling.  ☺