That first kiss....

Do you remember your first girlfriend or boyfriend?   The excitement of seeing them after a few hours or days, or perhaps that first kiss and how clumsy the feelings were that surrounded it.  

It’s even strange to say the word “girlfriend” as it relates to those first awkward connections.  I think growing up in a strict household coupled with being from a small country town of only 500 people, even the thought of meeting someone of the opposite sex, let alone actually having a conversation with them and/or potentially going out with them was extremely remote.  

Now I know those of you that know me may have a very hard time believing I was incredibly shy, but I remember being so tongue tied when a girl spoke to me once at secondary school that I just couldn't get the words out, all I could do was mumble something rather incoherent and my face turned the shade of red normally associated with that of a fire truck!   I was soooooooo embarrassed; actually mortified would be a better term.

The Old Clunes Library - doubling as
our youth club

 Growing up I attended the local youth club on Tuesday nights in the old Library building adjacent to the Catholic Church on Talbot road. 

Once or twice a year there would be group trip to the indoor swimming pool in Ballarat, which is about 20 miles from Clunes.  In those days Ballarat had a population of about 70,000 people, and had all the modern conveniences, which included an indoor heated pool.   We felt like we were going on an adventure of a lifetime, but seriously, Ballarat on a Tuesday night in the middle of winter wasn't really that exotic if you know what I mean, but to a handful of 12 and 13 year olds it was pretty amazing.

There was a girl I liked (Sharon) who used to attend youth club intermittently, she had light brown colored hair and piercing green eyes.   I thought she was the "best thing since sliced bread"; she was athletic and full of energy, totally amazing and a year behind me at school.

I would cast the occasional glance at her, hoping above hope that she wouldn't catch me looking or make eye contact, as that was a sure recipe for complete and utter embarrassment.  

The night in question unfolded like any other, except that this week we had been told to bring our bathing suits, as we'd be heading into the heated pool in Ballarat for our youth club instead of our usual indoor volleyball or gymnastics.   I showed up as normal expecting to meet up with Stephen, his father (Hugo) used to run the youth club and being of Italian descent was the only person from a different ethnic background in our town. 

Hugo used to drive the local bus back and forth to Ballarat and during the day worked on the railways.  At night he volunteered to run the youth club, which was pretty interesting given that he did it of his own volition without any help or support from anyone else in the community, funding it out of his own pocket no less.   Pretty amazing, but more amazing is the fact that he did it for more than 30 years until he retired just a few short years ago.

So back to the story – on the night in question I arrived with my togs (swim suit to those of you in North America) expecting to find Stephen and his two brothers, but I was the first person to arrive and was sitting on the library steps waiting for everyone else when two girls strolled toward me.  It was Sharon and her girlfriend Michelle…OMG - what now?  Perhaps they won't notice me I thought.  

They surprised me by saying “hi” and began chatting like I was a long lost friend, not really having much chance to get too embarrassed I returned the conversation albeit a little awkwardly.   Wow, they seemed friendly and put me at ease, but that was rather short lived when Stephen, his brothers and another one or two other kids arrived.

Back into my comfort zone, I could now safely go back to ignoring them (as best as I could anyway).   As we jumped into the car for our 30 minute drive to Ballarat who should push in next to me in the back of the station wagon but Sharon and Michelle.  

Holy shit!  I was in way over my head, and now impossible to ignore the person pressed up against me.  They chatted amiably and included me in the conversation (completely new territory for me) – a girl that treated me like a friend and who didn’t run away laughing felt amazing, plus she smelt amazing!

Over the course of the drive into Ballarat we talked, although I can't remember what about exactly but when we arrived at the pool we invariably split off into our groups and rushed to get changed.   We were already in the water when Sharon and Michelle came out onto the pool deck a few minutes later (btw they were the only two girls who came swimming that night).   Clad in their one-piece bathing suits they looked amazing as they strolled the length of the pool with all the boys watching.   Clearly, like everyone else was afraid to stare but desperately wanted to. J

Hugo had a friend who owned a milk bar (café) in Ballarat and so he would always take us there for a milk shake afterwards, strangely on the ride to the milk bar Sharon was once again squished in next to me, at first I thought it was a coincidence, but as we sped through the darkened streets toward the milk bar she reached out so no one could see and held my hand.  Wow!

As she squeezed my hand I was both excited (evidenced by my whole body shaking and my burning ears and face).  Fortunately for me it was relatively dark in the car so no one noticed.  As we pulled up to the milk bar, she let go of my hand although I definitely wanted her to do it again and really not sure if I had the courage to reach out and grasp her hand anytime soon.

 

Banana milkshake - yum!!

After a delicious banana milkshake (it was my personal favorite J), we piled back in the station wagon.  However, when we climbed in she whispered that we should sit in the very back of the station wagon, as it was too squishy in the back seat.  I needed very little encouragement so we plunged headlong over the back and was now sitting atop all of the bags in the very back. 

As the car pulled away from the curb she leaned into me and kissed me on the lips – just a peck but wow!

I mimicked her and kissed her back just like she had me - it was wonderful, amazing, and blissful all rolled into one moment.  She had the softest lips and she smelled great, we innocently smooched a little more before being dropped off at home.   I was walking on air when I got home, a silly grin spread from ear to ear and unable to really tell anyone for fear of ridicule (yes, my family can be a bit harsh) so I had to keep it a secret….until now!

It was the first time I'd ever been kissed, plus she actually seemed to like me (surprisingly) and didn't treat me like I was a nerd or a loser (which for a long time felt like I was…a bit of an outcast really growing up).   I only saw her once or twice after that at the youth club over the ensuing months.  In later years as we travelled to school by train each morning I would see her on the platform and our eyes would meet and we'd have that knowing glance and smile.

The teenage years are so difficult for everyone; I can see Zach feeling a little the same as I did all those years ago – nervous and unsure, but I guess it’s a “right of passage” for all teenagers.   As torturous as it was at the time I wouldn't trade that first kiss for anything.   

Now Sami on the other hand is banned from kissing boys until she's thirty!   

Hear that girl?  J

Bunny, Bunny, Bunny....

Improv class is so awesome!   I had my first class two weeks ago, then last week I was in Atlanta to Emcee and host our Annual User Conference for work – fun!

Anyway, this past week I showed up to class a little early so I could chat with our teacher (Cary) who btw is an Improv guru. His backstory is fascinating; apparently as he tells it he came to his first Improv class about 12 years ago and fell in love with it almost immediately.   

After a fun filled and enjoyable Intro course he decided that he would pursue each of the Improv levels and over the ensuing years did just that, building his expertise, knowledge and willingness to embrace the “yes, and” mantra which is central to Improv.

Then about eight years ago he kicked in his regular job to pursue Improv full time, since then he’s performed on stage all over Canada and the US and now teaches classes at The Second City training facility when not performing onstage.

He’s got such a fun and playful way about him; I swear that he sees life as one big Improv skit just waiting to happen.

Anyway, so I went in early to ask about what the class had done the week before and he says a little of this and a little of that – none of which made any sense to me, but I reminded myself that Improv is about embracing the “yes, and” concept and just going with the flow.   Clearly I have to shed my corporate mental models and rigid process orientation to just be in the moment, which is easier said than done btw…I’m just sayin!  ☺

My classmates are an eclectic bunch to be sure.   The first night we broke up into pairs for our first exercise and we had to interview our partner to find out as much as we could about them then introduce them to the class in two minutes or less.   Now, to be fair I've done this one about a thousand times with work so I went into my work mode (damn I have to break that habit) and started by asking my partner Jason a series of open ended questions.  I remember at one point I had to slow down cos I think he felt as though I was interrogating him Vs. politely asking him questions about him and his life.  

Thinking quickly on your feet is a basic
tenant of Improv

I think he was surprised with the depth of info and the “spin” that I put on his story to the class, but I definitely made his sound pretty cool and almost a little larger than life.  On the other hand his intro for me was a little on the “thin” side shall we say.   Unfortunately I left him perhaps 20 seconds to ask me questions about my life.

Jason beamed as he said, “Hi, this is Terence.  He has two teenage kids, lives in the east end and has a corporate job where he has to travel for work”.  He then sat down – wow, the five second intro.   End of story…strangely I felt as though I had done both he and myself a disservice by hogging all of the time to find out about him and not leaving him much time for him to get to know me.    Lesson learned – don't try and be a smarty-pants!   

There are about 15 or so in the class, each week there are usually one or two away, but on average fifteen.  It’s strange how you can break the class into three distinct groups.   The first third are students, many studying film or drama at University or nearby colleges, the next third work within the industry – actors, screenwriters  voice over specialists, models etc, and finally the misfits (of which I’m included btw)….a skateboarder  an interesting and unusual man (no matter whatever he does he embellishes and/or exaggerates his movements and actions to the Nth degree, and surprisingly not on purpose), then there’s an IT guy, a woman who works in a bank, an new immigrant with little English and me the Corporate guy.   Did I say eclectic????

The thing I like about the group is there willingness to embrace Cary’s basic tenant of Improv “yes, and” which means that no matter what, you have to go with the flow and your interpretation of that particular situation at that given moment in time.   I must say its completely liberating to be in a group who display little to no inhibitions and are completely open in the most crazy and unusual ways.

Each week we practice a variety of games and skits to both build our confidence but also just get us used to putting ourselves out there.  This past week we played a couple that really stand out for me.  

Seriously its so much fun - you've
got to try it....

The most hilarious was “bunny, bunny, bunny”.   Everyone stands in a circle – one person is designated the bunny and pretends that they are a bunny with two big teeth (made with your hands), the person on either side are the ears and have to wiggle their ears (the outside hand) while they all chant “bunny, bunny, bunny” until the bunny points at someone else in the circle who now becomes the bunny and the two people either side quickly form to be the ears and so it goes.  It doesn't take long for the transitions to start to jump back and forth across the circle – you have to think and react quickly given the dynamic nature and speed of the game.

Just when you think you've mastered it Cary adds the next level (there are five levels of complexity in all) – he now added “moose, moose, moose” (a moose  nose made with the main persons arms, then add moose antlers on either side).  Now you have a choice – you can point and now make that person either a bunny or a moose.   

Let the games begin!

Again, just when you start to get the hang of it he adds level three – “aeroplane, aeroplane  aeroplane  – which is a pilot with goggles, and wings instead of antlers and ears….   Level 4 is “Charlie’s angels, Charlie’s angels, Charlie’s angels” – central figure has a gun, one has a walkie-talkie and the other has crossed Kung Fu hands…

Man, by this stage of the game you don’t know if you're coming or going as the pace continues to quicken.   The last stage is a “James Brown” – which is characterized by the entire group hopping backwards, thrusting your hips forward and a screaming “huh” as one large group.   

At this final stage you have to remember the movements and words to all five levels and depending on who in the circle has been designated as the bunny, moose, aero-plane, Charlie’s angels or James Brown – you've got to be quick to jump right in.   I laughed so much, which my sides hurt after doing this skit.

The final skit for the evening was a standard Improv game that I've seen on TV before, two lines of people on opposite sides of the stage or room, two people come to the center with one person facing away from the other.   The person facing the crowd decides on a pose, then the other person turns around and has to “go with the flow” and quickly compliment the first person in some way.  Mostly it’s about getting comfortable thinking on your feet and embracing the other person, but at this first stage it is only movements - no voices.   The second phase to this is that the person facing away now has to come up with a quick line and body movements to compliment their initial interpretation.   And I thought that “bunny, bunny, bunny was fun…its nothing on this game. 

It’s pretty obvious that creativity (and no shame) are a must, but after that it’s all gravy – seriously!

Re-inventing me

There are times in your life when you reach a crossroad, each of them a test of sorts, a moment when you need to make a decision.  Often a moment that could potentially change the course of your life…sometimes irreversibly.

My starting point...

We’ve all had them, sometimes large and visible surrounded by significant stress and consternation, other times discreet and small and at that particular moment in time inconsequential, at least on the surface.   In hindsight some of the smallest decisions – a chance meeting after a late night study session at university and agreeing to go for a hamburger, a response to a question in a hotel lobby in Salzburg Austria or perhaps losing a job…each one of these changes the game.

As many of you know I was a teacher in Australia, and over an seven-year (yeah, pretty short) teaching career taught at all three levels of the educational pyramid.   My first job out of University was teaching at a primary school – (a Grade 2 & 3 composite, second year a Pre-school, Gr 1 & 2 composite class followed by a Gr 5 & 6).  At that point I was done teaching young children, so I decided to move states and teach High School Phys. Ed to year 8 – 11 in Darwin.  The final real teaching role (although arguably I’ve never stopped teaching, just not formally) was that of a part time lecturer at the University of the Northern Territory where I taught undergraduate Education students the art of Curriculum development.   Its so strange to think back about my formal teaching career cos to be honest it feels like a bit of a dream rather than a reality.

In any event I wasn’t cut out for teaching children or adolescents, not really my passion if you know what I mean and fortunately I figured that out pretty quickly (if you consider 7 years short  J).

 Intermingled into the teaching mix was a year backpacking around the world – which I truly believe to be my greatest educational experience…full stop!

During that year I met people from all over the world and had the opportunity to travel with three Canadian girls for an extended period of time – which is how I ended up in Canada, but that is for another time.  

Moving to a new country enabled me re-invent myself, starting afresh with no expectations or history made it relatively easy. 

My first job in Canada was working for the YMCA and after a couple of years and a number of promotions found myself as the CEO of a small YMCA in a large country town about 2 hours outside Toronto.   I was in that role for 18 “difficult” months, and after a falling out with the board was fired by phone….   Rather humbling to be fired but in retrospect was the biggest favour they could have done for me because it launched me on my current business career.   Who would have thought at the time the greatest success came from the greatest failure?

It wasn’t an easy road initially as I now found myself sleeping on my friend (Sandro’s) couch with all my personal belongings in storage…not quite homeless but I could see it from where I was if you know what I mean.  

I figured that here was the perfect opportunity to start afresh, and really had no expectations but decided pretty quickly to become a “consultant”.    Not that I really knew what a consultant did or was supposed to do.   So I did what people did in those days (before the internet) I went to a library and took out a book called “How to be a consultant”.  I read it cover to cover then back again…

 

My business card with company name

Clearly the first thing I needed to do was to make a brochure to tell people how they could benefit from hiring me…   Here I was rushing headlong into a whole new world without any safety net or experience, except a belief in myself to figure it out as I went.  

I poured over the brochure and unbeknownst to me outlined a simplistic process and change model.   From there I purchased a CD with 3000 Canadian company addresses and contacts and then proceeded to mass mail out my brochure to about 200 companies including a host of Universities. 

My approach was simple – send it out, wait a week then call.  I was focused and diligent (typical me) and began cold calling each of them on my list.  I stuck to a regimented call plan and called as many as I could each day to see if they had received my brochure if they required any assistance.   Some great conversations ensued, as well as a lot of “no thank you’s!” but soon enough I landed my first job.  It was a six-month contract with the Canadian Chiropractic College to undertake a marketing study on why such a high percentage of their graduates struggled post graduation in business.  

Surprisingly a lot of companies that I talked to needed help and there I picked up a number of contracts including a Revenue Generation program for the University of Western Ontario for their Intercollegiate Athletic program.  I learned as I went trying to add as much value as I knew how, but really only keeping one step ahead and following my instincts.

The true turning point came the following December when most businesses slow down and tell their consultants to go home and come back in January.  I approached a friend of mine who worked at a Temp Agency to see if there were any jobs available over the break that would get me out of my apartment and make a few bucks to tide me over until January.

Let me see – “I have a one week gig at one of the banks starting on Monday…you know computers right?”.   No worries I assured him, but in actuality having limited experience or knowledge of Microsoft Office.  The next Monday morning at 8:00 AM I found myself on the 41^st floor of Commerce Court East building in the heart of the financial district to meet the HR contact and my new boss.

My Riverina41 brochure

 I arrived to find a very attractive woman in her mid 30’s as my new boss, and I was now her Executive Assistant.   This was the first day of a multi-year program that would transform the internal finance function of the bank and I was effectively the “team”.   It took Carol about two days to ask me “what the hell I was doing with my career?”  

She wanted to see my resume and then began trying to coax me to come work for her on the program and help build the training and change management functions.  I resisted as I had a number of other contracts in flight, mostly small but enough to make a reasonable living.  So for the next few weeks as she began to assemble an internal team from each of the areas within the bank I was by her side, doing whatever it took to keep her on-track and ahead of the relentless meeting schedule.  At the end of each week she would tell the HR group and agency that she needed me again for another week, all the while working on me in the background to get me to join her program team. 

In the middle of January we made a deal that was too good to pass up and over the next six months I wound down my independent consulting practice and joined her team full time.  

I started as a new business analyst and over the next three years moved up pretty quickly to the role of Senior Manager.   The years at the bank provided me with the foundation, confidence and knowledge to grow my career that would eventually lead me to become a partner at one of the largest management-consulting firms in the world.   

Clearly you can’t achieve success on your own.  Growing a successful career is a team sport – you need mentors, coaches and others to believe in you and give you opportunities to shine and succeed (thank you Carol!)  It’s also about relationships, and your tenacity to do things that others aren’t willing to do (all legal btw J).  

However the most important lesson I learned along the way is to never stop believing in yourself or your dreams.    

Dream big my friends, dream big!