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Seriously I turn around and before I know it, another year
has sped by… Is it me or is life gaining
pace?
Okay, I may also be a tad sensitive considering that next
week is my birthday, and no I’m not going to share my age :-),
but nice try! It really hit home on my
recent trip to Australia with Zach and Sami in that now I truly am traveling
with young adults and that unto itself is a crazy concept.
I remember them so vividly the day they each were born and
how they looked at me when they were first delivered. In those days life was generally slow and
evenly paced with the big milestones seeming like forever to get to – walking,
talking, potty training, kindergarten… With the weeks, months and years just
seeming to fade into one another, they’re not without their milestones, which
you can clearly attest as per my weekly blog.
I have a clearer set of memories of my kids growing up than of my upbringing, which I suppose in normal. As a kid birthdays tended to be a bit of a non-event in our household sometimes getting a "happy birthday", but often not. I wasn't sure if it was because we were poor and didn't have enough money to buy a present to celebrate, or if no one really cared...
Every year I'd feel bitter disappointment when it came to my birthday and even though I tried as best I could to ignore it, and not let it get the better of me I couldn't help it. All I could do was put on a brave face and not let anyone know how much it hurt.
There is no doubt in my mind that this served as a strong foundation for me personally, making me very sensitive to those around me and to their emotional well being.
I can tell you from personal experience that we all get pretty adept at putting on a strong and likable facade for others, but inside we're hurting. Although its taken me many years of counseling to overcome my feelings of not being good enough.
My childhood was surrounded by alcoholism, neglect and poverty only to be compounded by years of sexual abuse by a female member of our family. It was a time of extremes, having to put on a "everything is normal face" while inside I was a complete mess and hence withdrew from the world around me and sought my company rather than that of others.
Whenever things got really bad I would, go into self protection mode and tell myself over and over that it couldn't get any worse, but the reality was that I wanted to do was run away and never look back.
There was a lot of shame associated with growing up in a family environment like mine as often other parents wouldn't let their children play with me. One memorable experience for me was when I was about 8 or 9 years and went to visit a kid from schools house on the weekend. I remember his mother answered the door, but didn't open the screen door, she looked me up and down when I asked her if her son could come out to play, she closed the door without uttering a word, and all I could hear from behind the door was "What's does he want? You're not to play with him - do you hear me?"
All of these experiences, both good and bad have shaped me into the person I am today. And although traumatic, has given me a deep sense of self and inner strength to persevere and keep going no matter what.
And so, to celebrate my birthday I intend to reflect on all the wonderful things I have to be thankful for in my life. Central to this are the joys of being a father to Zach & Sami, along with my health and the many opportunities I've had, and will continue to have to travel and explore the world.
Yes, there is much to thankful for!
All of these experiences, both good and bad have shaped me into the person I am today. And although traumatic, has given me a deep sense of self and inner strength to persevere and keep going no matter what.
And so, to celebrate my birthday I intend to reflect on all the wonderful things I have to be thankful for in my life. Central to this are the joys of being a father to Zach & Sami, along with my health and the many opportunities I've had, and will continue to have to travel and explore the world.
Yes, there is much to thankful for!
As well, I want to extend a big thank you to each and everyone of you who have been such a tremendous support for me and my weekly blog. Please feel free to share it far and wide!
Prologue:
I realize this week's blog has a lot of heaviness to its subject matter, and apologize in advance if I've offended anyone. It wasn't meant to be upsetting or to take you to your own bad place, but I believe that a big part of my success as a writer is about being authentic, and my willingness to broach not just the glamorous travel and cool lifestyle topics but the deeply personal and sensitive things that have made me who I am today.
“Hanoi Posting”
A series of fictional micro-stories by Terence Wallis
Episode 40: Appointed Time
Before lunch Mai showered luxuriously in the open air shower which was surrounded by leafy frangipani fringed wall. It was such a decadent luxury with its large rain head and she loved the feeling of hot water running over her head, shoulders and down her back.
This is where she often did her best thinking... or fantasizing in Bill's case. She closed her eyes and imagined his hard body against hers, feeling his broad shoulders and strong arms holding her... She could feel her nipples harden at the very thought of his touch.
Only a few more minutes more she thought and smiled broadly, the flock of butterflies dancing in her stomach.
She knew that Bill would be prompt as it was in his nature, and so turning off the water stepped naked from the shower, and was immediately intoxicated with the smell of flowers which surrounded her.
Mai was more than excited to see Bill again and so was difficult to sit still while her assistant dried and styled her hair. She had already had an early morning appointment to wax her body and have a full pedicure and manicure, and she wanted to be perfect for when she saw Bill again.
As the hands slowly approached 2:00 pm she became unable to sit still, unconsciously she lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply staring at the front door...
Next week: Episode 41: Duality
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This week's photos are from our recent trip to Australia...so many great photos to share!
TW
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| The iconic Australian eucalyptus forest near where I grew up |
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| The smell was so strong - invigorating to say the least! |
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| Ancient native Australian fisherman sculpture on the pier at Lorne |
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| Such beautiful and deserted beaches |
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| The foreshore at Lorne - with a typically Australian feel to it |
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| The lone surfer at Lorne with the predictable break rolling in - steady 3' - 4' waves |
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| Massive rock formations like the 12 Apostles on Australia's southern coast - just incredibly large! |
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| The photographer enjoying his adventure along the coast... |
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