Life

When do the routines of life start?   This weekend I’ve been reflecting on the many routines I have in my life and particularly the ones I have with my kids.   The first one with Zach started innocently enough at the ripe old age of 6 months, yes he’s 13 now so it’s been a while.  He and I would go to Lick’s at Yonge & Eglinton (a famous hamburger joint in our neighborhood which is no longer there) every Wednesday night for “boys night”.  

TW and Zach - March 2007 - Caribbean Cruise

After a short while the staff began to recognize us and always chat while our order was being prepared, I’d always leave the name “Zach” for our order and I guess over time they assumed it was my name.  We always had a whale of a time – him eating his hotdog (yes, I’d cut into very small pieces) and put on his high chair tray along with a few French fries. In those days I traveled a whole lot less so it was easy to make it a regular thing.  We had that routine for a number of years and I’m not sure who looked forward to it more – Zach or me.

Of late Zach mostly wants to discuss world history, geography or some topic that he’s been boning up on.   This afternoon we walked over to a nearby sports store to buy a new pair of running shoes, I must admit it was a warm day and I had to use my powers of persuasion to convince him to join me, but he did.   As we walked home the conversation became quite philosophical (I’m getting used to these with Zach) I asked him what was on his mind, (remember he’s 13) his response was that “for every second he was alive it was a second closer to death.”  

Normally that would be the type of conversation that would freak out most parents, but because Zach is a deep thinker I wasn’t so worried and honestly wouldn’t you want your kids to tell you how they really felt about such big topics?   The follow on conversation was what really floored me though.   He said that he had been thinking about something I had told him a few of weeks ago and that the advice I had given him had made it much easier to accept what he’d just told me.   I asked inquisitively what advice had helped him with it, but I knew exactly the conversation and what my response had been. 

He had texted me at work one day and said that he was very worried about something and that he wanted to talk about that night.  No worries – was this going to be the “big conversation” about sex (nope, we’ve already had that one)?   I could tell that something was on his mind, and so when he suggested that we go to the park and toss the rugby ball around after dinner I quickly accepted.   On our walk back he said that he was really worried about dying.   I asked him which part of dying was worrying him, he said that not so much the actual dying part but the finality of it all.  

Sami fallen asleep in my arms - 2007

 I told him that the most important thing I could do for him, and that one day he would do for his children, would be to love them unconditionally and to be as good a role model as possible for them to follow.   I explained that we each have an obligation to do the best you could every day and to try and make the world around you a better place for your being there.   And if you did that well you would leave such a strong and positive impression on those that knew and loved you that your memory would actually live on – just like Grandfather Conolly (Zach’s middle name is Conolly….case in point).   Grandfather Conolly died the year before I was born (1958) but his memory lives on quite strongly in his grand kids and indeed the generations since.

Later this evening I was barbequing dinner when he came up and hugged me and told me he loved me, the best part was he did it for no particular reason.  It made my heart swell…

Sami and I also have our set routines, and although she’s only 11 she is already a confident conversationalist and networker.   She’s the sort of person who can come into a room full of people and within ten minutes would have introduced herself to most of the room and made friends with her infectious personality.   I wish I had her confidence and ability to connect with people the way she does – it’s truly a gift!

Fran's Restaurant - since 1940

Anyway, Sami really enjoys eating out, she always has!   So one of our regular routines is to go for breakfast either Saturday or Sunday morning to a Fran’s diner downtown.  Fran’s on College Street has been a Toronto institution since 1940 and adjacent to Police headquarters.  We get up and leave early, usually downtown by 7:45 am (about 15 min from home).  She loves to make the playlist on my iPhone or at the very least choose the radio station so she can sing along (she loves to belt out a good tune!).   Always sitting in a middle booth of the front section has become our favorite hangout.   Her drink of choice – you guessed it – a vanilla milkshake with whipped cream…after all it is Saturday morning!   The staff knows her order and begins making the shake when they see her at the counter, its such a warm and familiar feeling

To this day I still really enjoy reading her a story at bedtime, I realize I won’t have her attention much longer but I love the time we have together, me reading and her snuggled up to me.  Sometimes if I’m really tired its me who falls asleep mid sentence and its Sami who tells me its okay and that I need to go to bed and get some sleep (I guess the roles are reversed, but I love that she looks after me so).   Our little ritual, as I leave her room each night I always tell her I love her and to “sleep tight and not let the bedbugs bite”.   Perhaps she’ll do the same for her children – here’s hoping so!

Happy Fathers day to those of you in the Northern Hemisphere!