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I’m often asked if I’m afraid of putting myself “out there”
in my blog and on other social media channels. Maybe I’m too naïve to worry or
as I’ve said in the past I’ve gotten past worrying about what other people
think of me with two exceptions – Zach and Sami. Now, to some that might sound flippant or at worst arrogant…
I don’t believe its arrogant to not worry about what others
think of me, but I realize that I'm opening myself up every time I
publish a blog, post a photograph or go onstage and talk about
reinvention to what other people think of me, my message or the content I create. However, I’ve found that the only
way to really connect with my audience, whether it’s via my blog, my photography or in
my talks is to be real and authentic, and not hold back because my fear of what others may or may not think of me.
It comes with the territory - I can’t be afraid to express
myself in my own way and put myself out there. I know that sometimes when I
talk I can get quite emotional and choked up, and its because I’m in the moment
and can feel those emotions coursing through my being and that its right there
for everyone to see. I don’t try and
hide the fact that I am this way, it’s who I am… it what makes me - me.
Some may see this as a sign of weakness, but I believe it’s
a sign of strength.
Indelible #1: Lead with your emotions
I suppose I’ve always been a sensitive person, and so I've always felt my emotions quite strongly, and hence they are often lurking just under the surface, sometimes ready to spring out whether I like it or not. I've noticed this more, especially as I've become an adult and even more so since I've becoming a parent.
Although I do find it strange given that I didn’t have any
role models with regard to showing my emotions during my formative years, nor was it an acceptable part of our culture. I'm not sure which was, and perhaps still is the most difficult hurdle to get overcome for a male - the male culture of not showing your emotions or the rural setting in which I was raised.
I only saw my father show any external emotions once in my life and
that was at my mother’s funeral when he cried. Part of it is definitely the
Australian male culture – no question, but I think it was his upbringing and
his experience that would never allow him to be open enough and share them, and
I would surmise his fear of them.
Hence I'm a strong advocate of Zach and Sami expressing a full range of emotions, sometimes for the better other times not
so much… Ah yes, the teenage
years! :-)
My advice is to embrace your emotions and get messily comfortable with them for they are your touchstone!
Indelible #2: Demonstrate courage
I embrace the belief that real
connections are intertwined with making yourself vulnerable, putting yourself
out there not once or twice but all the time. This willingness to be authentic and genuine and not afraid of your imperfections, as scary as you may think those are, is, I believe the purest form of personal courage. Demonstrating your compassion and kindness, firstly for yourself but then for those around you is a powerful quality that is transparent to everyone. Conversely, most people can also spot someone whose in-genuine and trying a little too hard.
It quite obvious that when you’re out on this emotional ledge that some
will join you out there and celebrate it with your, while others may be afraid of their own inner
emotions and tend to pull back and shy away. It’s
everyone’s personal prerogative and nature to choose. There will always be those that gravitate
toward you and others that will push away, the law of nature I guess.
I don't believe you can leap in and out of being authentic - you either are or your not. For me its who I am...
Indelible #3: Three questions...
The path that I’ve chosen, or should I more accurately say, the path that’s chosen me can be overwhelming for some people, and so I totally
get the fact that its not for everybody. Although I personally believe it’s a timing thing more than anything else, because inevitably we all ask
ourselves the same three big questions in life.
It may not be today, nor tomorrow, but I guarantee you will ask them at
some point and hopefully before your life has passed you by.
I'm sure you're curious....what the heck are those questions he keeps talking about. Here they are, but you have to take an emotion step back and answer with brutal honesty...got it?
- Am I feeling connected to my life - or simply going through the motions, feeling numb or overwhelmed?
- Am I spending quality time with those that I love and care about?
- Am I feeling fulfilled and actively pursuing the things that I'm passionate about in my life?
There is nothing to be gained by fudging or sugar coating your responses or placing caveats on them. If you answered "no" to any of these questions its time to listen to my podcast series on iTunes... seriously!
As you know the two most important people in my life are Zach and Sami...end of story. And its because of the three resounding "no's" that I came back with to these questions that set me on my path of reinvention and creating the life that I wanted.
Being a role model for my kids is very important to me, they get to see me pursue my passions and dreams and create the life that I want - every day, but more importantly they see me take action to make it come to life.
This is my gift to them...
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“Hanoi Posting”
A series of fictional micro-stories by Terence Wallis
Episode 32: Disbelief
Within a couple of days of being back in Hanoi, albeit the nasty head wound his mind often turned to Mai and the idyllic afternoon spent together before he left for Bangladesh. He felt guilty that he hadn't been able to contact her or get word to her before setting off on his assignment...although now it seemed so long ago.
Bill was intoxicated with the very thought of Mai and how they had come together in physical harmony so effortlessly. It was if she knew him already, how he liked to be touched and caressed, and their easy banter and conversation felt so incredible.
He just had to see her again...but he realized that during his time in Bangladesh he had lost the slip of paper with Mai's number on it. He sensed that Phuong wasn't a big fan of Mai, and so was reticent to bring her name up in conversation even, although it was now clear that Phuong knew a lot more about what was going on than he gave away.
Bill had observed that whenever Mai or even Anh's name was mentioned the tone of the conversation changed considerably, as well as Phuong's demeanor - was it hostility or something else, all he knew was that Phuong became a different person and that his "cloak and dagger" routine seemed to surface.
When Phuong came into the office later that morning they got straight down to business and discussed the various stories that they were working on, although in Bill's mind he didn't really care about the local politics or any story for that matter, all he wanted was Mai's phone number.
Bill sensed a natural gap in the conversation and so awkwardly broached the subject with Phuong. "I seem to have lost an important phone number you gave me a little while ago mate, could you give it to me again?"
Phuong sat in silence looking directly at Bill, his expressionless demeanor unflinching in its gaze. Without speaking he stood and walked out the door. "Jesus, what's gotten into him" he thought as he unconsciously touched the back of his head.
Bill's head throbbed uncontrollably...
Next week: Episode 33: Hard Facts
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This week's selection of photos are from a recent photo shoot in California.
Enjoy!
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