Indelible Adventures: Creeping ever closer

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I met a mate of mine for a beer earlier this week and he mentioned the joys of being an "empty nester" now that both his girls are attending University away from home. One of them is a mere 2.5-hour drive away, but the other is in another province and a flight away.

We got talking about life and its trials and tribulations, like you do over cocktails :-), but what struck me most was how visibly he missed them... He was putting on a brave face, but it was obvious it had not been easy. His, was an all too familiar lament that I've heard from other parents who have become empty nesters.

Wow, it really started to sink in...and not in a good way!

Now overlay my experience last week when I attended Zach’s parent teacher interviews and at the end of the evening my ex and I spent 20 minutes with Zach and his guidance counselors reviewing his marks and the potential candidate schools that he’s interested in attending next year.

From the very get-go in life Zach has been marking time until he went to University, he’s always been an "old soul" who somehow was born ready for it from a very early age. He was the sort of three year old that would entertain himself for hours just with books, sitting and looking at the pictures and memorizing every little facet...you know the type of kid right?

His guidance counsellors explained that not only are his grades incredible but his preparation with regard to his applications has been so far ahead of his peer group that he’s ready to start applying to his schools of choice right now, and with a a good chance of getting early acceptance.

He’s been targeting schools across Canada and in the UK, and barring any last minute hiccups will have his choice of schools…he thoroughly deserves it given all his hard work.
However, not surprisingly, since that night I’ve been reflecting on all the things that Zach and I have done together over the years, our frank conversations, the tears – both his and mine, our travels both with Sami and without, and the strength of our relationship. We talk everyday!

I realize that I can’t stop the onrush of life for him, nor would I ever want to, and to be honest I’m excited for him and what lies ahead, but there’s just a teensy, tiny little bit of me that wishes that things wouldn't never change and that our lives would stay exactly how they are today.

The likelihood of him going away to school is about as high as his academic average right now, so I just want to hold onto every moment that we have together irrespective of how trivial or mundane you might think they are.

I know it sounds sappy but being a single parent has really changed the dynamic in the relationships I have with each of them. They are both such different kids and therefore the relationships,as you’d expect are very different as well. No longer am I the parent who must be obeyed, (although to be clear discipline is an important aspect of being a parent.) but more of a guide, sounding board and confidant :-)

I think seeing your parent in this light has created a different dynamic between us and drawn the three of us closer together. A side benefit of this is that we all have a little more patience with each other, and often times more accommodating to each other’s needs when we are together. Its comforting to have them around me, and not even doing anything exotic or crazy...just being in the same room reading or listening to music together is awesome...yes, they're teens and no, I'm not crazy! (Ha! That's your outside voice btw :-)

The other important factor in our relationship is the level of independence and decision making that I enable them to have. This approach has paid off in so many ways and on so many levels that its amazing to see how mature and confident they are in all types of settings, environments and especially on our travels to other countries and cultures.
Being a parent is fraught with the unknown, yep – there is no user manual for being a parent. Like I say to Zach and Sami when I make a mistake - "I’m just trying to do the best I can, I don’t have all the answers."

They’ve seen me struggle and understand that I’m human just like everyone else, and that invariably we all have flaws and make mistakes - yep we're all human. Being real and unafraid to be who we really are has formed the foundation for a truly real relationship with them.

The fact is that I'm already trying to steel myself to the fact that he'll be living away from home sometime soon, and although I'll always be incredibly supportive there is no doubt that I will miss him like crazy.

So no matter where he goes next year I’ll still visit him – just not all the time although I'm sure he'll volunteer to accompany me on some of my overseas trips, I mean to say who wouldn't?

So here's to slowing down life and taking it just one day at a time!

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“Hanoi Posting” A series of fictional micro-stories by Terence Wallis

Come visit "Hanoi Posting" at its new home!

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As you may know, each November I go back into my archives and choose 30 photos for 30 days (hence the 30 for 30), that are pretty amazing and that haven't been used before. My challenge has been choosing the top 30, especially given that I have almost 100,000 photos (yes almost 7 terabytes of data). So, these ones made it into the top 100, but not the top 30.

Enjoy!

TW